Sunday, August 7, 2011

Just Stuff...Right?

 Remember how Maizey was really little for a really long time? She was born small, then had trouble gaining weight, and playing catch up wasn't easy. And remember that I have written before about how I got attached to her clothes and how it was really hard for me to put her stuff in boxes destined for the attic.Well, a little while ago I had this crazy reality hit me.... what if we have a boy???? I won't be pulling out boxes of tiny baby girl clothes, washing and folding and putting away and smiling as I remember just how oh so Maizey the stuff is. I won't be telling Maizey stories about when she wore those clothes or where she got those shoes. I won't be taking same-same pictures. I have shed more than a few tears just thinking about it... (damn you pregnant hormones!!!). I am still trying to wrap my head around a family photo with four of us... let alone a photo with A BOY!!! in it. I can still only think of girl names and I really have to hold myself back from buying new infant girly stuff. I can't picture our life with a little baby boy. It just doesn't seem... us.
My bestie Ang is also having a baby. We are due within two weeks of one another. She knows shes having a little girl. It sounds and seems only logical to be giving her all my stuff, should we have a boy. Tradesies right?
I can't. I just can't. I know it seems ridiculous for all those boxes to sit in the attic, collecting dust and taking up space that we really don't have to spare, for no other reason than, I just can't do it. For real, I am not ready for them to be gone yet. I'm not ready to go through and pick out some special outfits to save. I'm not ready for this time in Maizeys life to be over. In fact, in our life too. When everything is all about Maizey. Where the only memories those clothes hold are Maizeys. But then I feel guilty. Because seriously, who keeps boxes and boxes (and boxes and boxes) of clothes they don't need? When another little girl could totally be using them? Someone like me, I guess. Someone that really is attached to them and really has a hard time imagining them being gone.
The most ridiculous part is, I am actually worried about this. I'm not worried about packing a hospital bag (maybe ever, haha), or how we are going to fit a bed for Maizey AND the crib in her tiny little room. Not worried that we don't have a carseat, or agreed on names. Not worried about labor or pushing a little human out of somewhere much to small for a human to come out of. But this - what I am going to do if I have a boy baby and should probably give our girl clothes away - this I am worried about.
I know it doesn't really matter, and should we not need the girl stuff, I will know when the time is right to let it go (or not). I also know that we could totally have another girl and this whole worrying thing will be for nothing (see, just another reason not to worry about stuff, right?!).

1 comment:

  1. You are RIGHT, when the time is right you'll know. I knew.. within the same month Hayden was born. I know the pink is just so adorable but having a little man in the house is something that I never imagined before. Wonderful. :)