And...Breathe

I casually opened the last Coors Light out of the fridge when I sat down to write this. I have to admit, nothing has tasted better today.
Today was one of those, sporting the braid as I didn't get a chance to take a shower, days. No big deal. I can rock the braid like nobodies business. For some reason, I just didn't get around to it today.
Instead I found some new music to add to my grooveshark, so I cranked it this afternoon while we packed away little clothes. Yes, that is correct, for the second time in Maizeys life, I have to pack things away. I find something kinda sad about packing away little clothes... I always think to myself - what if I don't remember some of the things we did when she wore that cute little dress (which would be hard, as she has worn very few cute little dresses in her day... but when she did - gahhhh SO CUTE!).... and - ohhhh I realllllly wanted Grandpa to see her in that little shirt.... or even just pulling things out to put them on, and remembering the last time she wore it, and smiling at that little memory. It kills me. Kills me. The thought of putting these boxes filled with the last nine months, into the attic, kills me. Seeing the hat she wore for the first time, tucked beside her hospital booties and sleeper. Kills me. Now. Now time has started to go too fast. I cant keep up. She is learning and changing and growing so fast. While she was having a bath the other night, I asked her what a duck says. She replied with a 'bap bap bap bap'. Sounded an awful lot like the 'quack quack quack quack' I say to her every bath time. She follows Corbin around. She gave him kisses tonight. Don't tell her dad. She feeds herself everything. She shakes her head no when I ask her questions and throws things away when she doesn't want them anymore. She is pulling herself up on anything she can get her hands on, we even had to lower her crib to the lowest level. I was SURE we wouldn't need to do that until she was atleast six. Gahhh. When we say 'come here, into the living room' ... she does. When I take something away and hide it under a blanket, she looks for it. I cant get away with anything. I tell her my Crackberry is worth more than my car, but she doesn't seem to care, she wants to play with it anyways. And by play, I mean suck on and throw. She fell out of the bumbo the other day, twice, while trying to reach for things. Now I cant leave her unattended on the kitchen table in it. Just kidding, I never did that anyways.
I'm taking it all in... and I really am loving every minute we have together...but sometimes, I need to catch my breath. I need to sit down with my old friend, the Silver Bullet, and think about it all. To replay those moments of first words and actions, first understandings, first laughs and crys and all the rest of the firsts. Every single one of them. Tuck them into the little pocket of my brain that remembers every single thing that has ever happened to me, in my entire life. Into a place where they are safe. Where can I find them on a moments notice. Only then, can I relax. Knowing that I will remember all the cute dress moments and that I can always show Grandpa her million other cute shirts (or her first pair of Ropers that he is going to love). And knowing that these new little clothes will make memories too. Good ones, with sprinklers and ice-cream cones and swings. Ones that will soon need to be put away too, in that little pocket and saved for rainy days. So now they are put away, along with the little clothes. And now, I can start to think about taking a shower. Good thing I sat down tonight to think about all of this... my friends may not want to be around me after another day of no shower.

me and my girl