Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Happy First Birthday, Winnie The Pooh

Dear Winnie,
Happy first birthday, sweet girl.

You are the last baby we will have and the fact that this is the last first birthday we will celebrate for our kids has been like a lump in my throat all day. Seriously, how can you possibly be one already? Wasn't I just counting down the days until you would start eating food, or counting the months I had left of breastfeeding? Here we are - you eating anything and everything and showing no signs of stopping nursing. I just can't figure out how it goes so fast. "The days are long, the years are short" - it's startlingly true.

You have been walking for six weeks now and going down the stairs for about 3 weeks. Determined is the word I use to describe you. You climb in and out and on and off and up and down everything. You are not afraid and you are so strong. You climb the ladder and get onto the trampoline and you turned around and slid down the slide on your belly a few days ago, as though it was no big deal. You get bumps and bruises all the time but you don't let them slow you down. You currently have a healing goose egg on your forehead, a purple eye lid and a small red dot on each cheek. I only know for sure how one of them happened.

You have gotten incredibly chatty over the last month, babbling non-stop mixed in with words that we are pretty sure are real.
Whats that?
Hi dada (so cute, holding an old phone up to your ear)

You don't sleep all night - some nights not even close, others a bit better. Um, could you just start doing that soon please and thank you?!
You follow me everywhere I go and then sit or stand at my feet. You just like to be in close proximity to me most of the time. You don't usually need anything, you just like me to be there.
You still love a good snuggle. You lean in for the sweetest hugs and pat my back as we hug. I about burst from the sweetness of it.
You like to give kisses - they are very....slobbery.
You smile and giggle very easily for us. For others? Stone faced. You are a seriously tough nut to crack. But when you do? Your giggle is so stinkin' cute.
Every single diaper change is a wrestling match. It's actually not that fun, just so you know.
Dad says your favorite place to play is the stairs. I say your favorite thing to play with is stuffies, you just walk around hugging and kissing them and talking to them.
You make a run for any open door you see. Nobody is going to cage Winnie in.

You weighed 19lbs exactly at your one year check up. You really are small and it's almost bizarre watching all that you are capable of because it just seems like you shouldn't be able to do any of them given your size. You are this tiny little fierce walking machine.

We love you so so much little girl. I could never have imagine anything better than our life with you. You have a connection with both Maizey and Jace that is all you guys. It's different with both of them and it's all yours. It's amazing to watch. THEY love you so so so much. Sometimes a little too much and a little too touchy - they can't leave you alone literally ever. I think it pisses me and Dad off more than it does you. You admire them in a way I could only have dreamed about. Lets just hope this keeps up for years to come!

Happy first birthday sweet girl. I can't wait to watch how you grow and change and turn into the bigger kid you are going to be. I want to hear your voice and see you shine. Hopefully when we are both a bit more rested. haha - barely kidding.
We love you Winnie The Pooh (Winnie the pooper, Lady, ladybug), more than you will ever know.
Mama and Daddy.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Summer Stuff

Jace: Dad, whats this?

Brian: That's a screw.

Jace: Oh be careful Dad, you don't want to screw yourself.

Brian: Don't worry, Buddy. I won't screw myself.


We went to the wedding of one of my favourite people last week and all I wanted was a nice family photo.

This was the best of all of them.


It's probably the most accurate version of our current life so I think it should go up on the wall.


(Jace standing in the kitchen waving his arms in a sweeping motion towards the counter)
"whats going on here? It's so... clean"


Maizey: "Lets play Dads game. I don't know what it's called. But, it just goes like, lets see who can be the quietest for the longest time"

Brian: "Oh Maizey, thats a game that has been passed on by parents to their kids for many many years. And yes, lets play it."

Maizey: Ten seconds in - lets out a giggle. Stifles it. then another. and another. until it was uncontrollable giggling.

Brian: "well that was short lived"


On a particularly  hot day last weekend (I'm sure it was +40), I stripped Winnie down and submerged her in the kiddie pool. She let out the cutest, tiniest sigh of relief and sat, submerged up her mid chest, very happily.  This heat wave has been intense, we are really just trying to get through it every day.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

That Time Two Months Went By And I Barely Noticed

I basically just need to remember that if I say my plan out loud, the universe, or more accurately my children, make sure it won't happen. Which is why I am currently twitching slightly, licking boursin cheese straight from the foil wrapper and chugging wine. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope for today because it's 8:40 and only 33.3% of my children are sleeping despite the fact that I started bedtime over two hours ago.
I see it's been almost two months since I last posted here. Really, nothing interesting has happened, and there were no mile stones met by our baby any ways, so who cares, right? Just kidding. Lots happened and she pretty much broke down every single eight month old barrier there is, which is probably why I haven't had time to write anything down. Because I've been too busy trying to trap her back into that eight month old box she should be in, where she barely does the army crawl, eats only purees, and has no idea what stairs are, let alone climbs them.
Super quick bullet point post about our current situation, because by then I will have probably heard all the screaming I can handle and I will need to go back to the oven that is the upstairs to say one more time IF YOU DON'T GO TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN BUT IT'S GOING TO BE BAD I SWEAR. and then I will have to pick up the baby and rock her sweaty body to sleep, just like I have done every single night since October 7th, 2014.

Superb crawler.
Stair climber extraordinaire.
Loves food and gets annoyed if she does not have her own spoon to help with.
Giggles at the mere sight of Jace and Maizey but barely breaks a smile for anyone or anything else.
Except sometimes when I blow raspberries on her belly. But only if she's in the mood.
Hates going to sleep.
Loves staying asleep once she's finally there.
Crankiest teether in the history of ever.
Still almost no hair.
Snuggly little lady.
Loves the bathroom.
Can bust out of the bumbo chair, which means it's no longer safe for me to take a shower.
Confinement? oh hell no.
I'm not sure, but I think she says bye-bye. It's hard to tell. but definitely sometimes waves bye.
8 months old and clocking in at 16 pounds of pure determination. Nobody puts Winnie in a corner.
Currently goes by the nicknames Winnie the pooh, Lady and Ladybug.


Cantaloupe addict.
Kinda lazy.
Working on using words rather than his body to get his point across. Currently climbing out of a four month long battle of wills from hell.  We are getting there.
Not a swim suit fan, so most days uses the pool in the buff.
Run biker. But I am confident if he would TRY, he would ride a two wheeler no problem.
Always hungry.
Obsessed with playing air guitar and singing A Guy Walks Into A Bar.
Takes a million selfies on my phone.
Wakes up before the crack of dawn every day.
Lover of look and find books. And is basically a genius at them.


Missing three teeth at this moment with one more very loose. It's like looking at someone else.
Biking fanatic.
Always always always wants to go on one more walk, one more bike ride, one more trip to the park.
Wants friends over all day every day.
Makes herself breakfast every day. And will make it for anyone else as long as they would like toast with butter or peanut butter.
Not too familiar with other peoples person space right now. Needs to be constantly reminded that No, I would not like her to brush my eyelashes with her fingers.
For some reason, cries for our old house a lot these days. Not sure what that is about.
A big help in making sure Winnie doesn't put random floor things in her mouth.
Always willing to help me. Run for this - go get that - shut the gate - stop Winnie - go out and look for whatever. Ahhh, almost six year olds are a dream. Most of the time. wink wink.


At work literally every single day.
Desperate to sell our boat. (Do you want to buy it?! Just message me. haha)

Wine. Always wine.
oh, and now a proud bicycle owner. Its new, but looks old,. Her name is Lennie.

Its now 10:08 and one kid is still awake despite so many attempts at rocking. It's not awesome. She is very lucky she is so cute.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Tiny and Strong

This is the face of sheer determination and then pride.

My face is more like WTF? Stop it now. And, are you freaking kidding me, crawling? I can't. I just can't.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Winnie Turned Six Months. I Cried.

Dear Winnie,
Happy half birthday, sweet girl.
Where the heck have six months gone? I'm pretty sure I have only blinked a few times, and I know for sure that I have barely slept, yet here we are. Six months. Half a year is gone.
The last time I will have a six month old.
Literally every day I am torn between savoring every single one of these last moments with my last baby, and wishing it away. Wanting you to be bigger, older, doing more. The second I feel like that, I am torn back to wanting you to stay a baby forever, because god damn it, I just really love babies. I just really love YOU as a baby.

You are so snuggly. You could just sit in my arms and on my lap all day. You love to fall asleep laying on my chest and if I put my face up close to yours you gently lean in so we are face to face. If I had to pick one thing to keep forever, it would be the snuggling.
You started out so big and now you are so tiny. Barely breaking the 15th percentile. A whopping 13lbs 12 ounces yesterday at you six month appointment. So tiny, so sweet.
You started eating solid food last week and you're pretty so-so about it so far. You couldn't seem to care less. It's not that you are refusing to eat, it's just... you're like meh, I will just open my mouth this tiny bit, see how much you can get in. I think it's all the distractions. Maybe I should start feeding you when no one else is around.
You roll over like a champ and definitely prefer to be on your belly pushed up on your arms, looking around. You can spin around and push yourself around on the floor. I don't think it's super intentional yet, but the strength is there, so I imagine it's coming soon. You started sitting up with little to no assistance just this past weekend and are getting sturdier and sturdier every day. You also prefer to sleep on your belly (and only in your crib. theres barely a carseat nap to be had these days), you roll yourself over in the night and sleep wayyyy more soundly. You are still the quiestest sleeper in the history of ever and it continues to freak me the freak out. It's not normal Winnie, people make sounds when they are sleeping, you know, like breathing sounds. WHERE ARE ALL THE BREATHING SOUNDS WINNIE? No, seriously?! But that leads to my next thought. What happened to all the glorious, wonderful, long, restful nights we used to have? What happened to you? To that? TO US? I gotta tell ya, this 3, 4, 5 times waking up at night? It's killing me. Stop it. Stop it now. Once? Twice even. But FIVE? How about no. Okay, glad we cleared that up.

You have two cute little bottom teeth and we have been patiently waiting for one on the top to cut through. Except it hasn't been patiently, it's been a lot of screaming and fevers and face rashes and crying. Some of the crying even comes from you. Anwyays, I've always hated that bitch the tooth fairy and now I hate her more. She makes you miserable. I hope it cuts through soon so you can go back to your happy self.
You currently love chewing on blankets, pulling my hair, gently touching my face and giggling when we surprise you. You formerly loved being carried on me, but surprisingly you have started to love the stroller too. You seem immune to noise because Jace screams literally in your ears (not on purpose, he's a loud talker) and you barely even blink. You don't love being left alone in a room and make it quite clear that we have done so. You don't like baths, but sure do love a shower.
You are so loved. It feels like you have been around forever. Maizey adores being a big sister to you, distracting you and holding you. She can make you happy most of the time and we often comment what a great sister she is. Jace also adores you, and besides the odd time that he gives you trouble for touching him, he likes to share his most sacred toys with you and climbs into your bed every morning just to check if you are awake, which you never are so he always wakes you up. It's equally infuriating and adorable. haha.
I want to remember these days with you. The way you look at me when I am feeding you and how even after you finish eating, you just like to lay across my lap in peace for awhile. The way you truly just need me (and a little bit daddy, but mostly just me). The way you smile and giggle and scream bloody murder. Your tiny little wrist creases,  and your deep and long thigh creases. Your raspberry blowing face, your ridiculously and beautifully long eye lashes and your bascically bald and perfectly round head. The way you are my last baby and I won't get these moments back and how precious this time with you really is.

Happy half birthday Winnie the pooh.
We cannot imagine our lives without you.
We love you. SO much.
Love, Mama and Daddy

Saturday, March 7, 2015

(New) Home

Well. It happened. Obviously.
We moved. It's already been five weeks.
If you have talked to me at all in these last weeks you have probably heard me say things like "oh, it's coming" "yes, it feels good. well, I mean, it will feel good, right now it feels like hell haha kidding" "Ya, we've sort of run out of steam, so we are just living in a mess, but it will get there. I know, I'm not worried" "It's fine".
That was me trying to trick myself into being positive.
The truth is, I have been a negative nancy since we moved in. In fact, Brian actually felt the need to say to me I wish you would just stop focusing on all the negative shit. Naturally, I didn't react that well to that, but five little minutes of quiet reflection and I was like Oh ya, I have been a total asshole. 
First, I'm just going to go ahead and quickly complain about all the shit that I have been complaining about. The disgusting carpets - fml. The absolutely hideous wall paper headboard and brass sconces that adorn the master bedroom wall that make me want to throw up in my mouth every time I make eye contact with it. The cobwebs and the fact that the previous people didn't clean at all. Like, not even a tiny bit. Other peoples filth - fuuuuccckkkk. *shudder*. Who builds a house slightly turned on the lot? I mean, do you hate symmetry or something? Why can't we figure out the heat? It's boiling hot, it's freezing cold, we can't win. Who designed the light switches? None of them make sense. It's annoying. What color are these walls, faded pepto bismal pink? If they had asked anyone, they would have been told that the color was never nice. Not back then, not now. Fake brick lino that still looks brand new even though it's over 30 years old? Ok, thats kind of impressive. Ugly, but impressive. Who puts carpet in the dining room slash the only room big enough for our kitchen table? Obviously not the person who has to clean it, thats for sure. Hunter green trim - what in the actual fuck were you thinking?

Ok, ok, I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of it right now, so I will call that "progress" and move on. Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest.

Because you know what? This last week, I have turned a major corner. I walked in a few days ago and it smelled like us. It smelled like home. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace, like I didn't want to go "home" any more, I finally, finally, felt like maybe I WAS home.
I had at least as hard of a time leaving our other house as I expected. Maybe worse actually. One day I will write it out, how ever emotional and vulnerable I will feel, because I think it's good to feel those feelings and I want to one day look back on that and remember what it felt like and to see how far I've come since that day.

The gross pink walls are still gross, the carpet is awful and don't even get me started on the bidet. Oh did I mention there's a bidet? Ya, be jealous. ha. but also know that it's going, however much of a conversation starter it is, and however wonderful they apparently are to use *ahem, not that anyone has tried it*  it's not sticking around taking up prime bathroom real estate. We have mostly got the heat figured out and I have never been more appreciative of the fact that we own a Dyson (LIFE. SAVER.). It's mostly clean now - I mean, I only have so many hours a day to spend washing walls and wiping baseboards and vacuuming screens and windowsills, so the rooms we use, those are done, the rest, well, I will get there. I know the "problems" (complaints is probably a better word) are mostly cosmetic and I know one day it will all be re-finished and nice and new again. That's the problem with leaving a place that you have already re-done and LOVE, and going to a place that has potential. Thats what we kept saying - it's not nice now, but it for sure has potential to be a fantastic house. I just needed a few weeks to remind myself of the potential we saw when we first looked at it.

Sitting on the floor beside the stove playing games, reading books, hanging out, thats pretty great. The yard, the deck, the two floors of windows, however slightly turned they may be - all amazing, and definitely things to appreciate. Giant old trees surrounding us, the flats not more than 100 steps from our door, a quiet cul de sac with only two other houses. Sitting at the head of the table and not seeing any other houses. Those are just a few of the great things about living here and calling this place home.
We are (mostly) settled in and love company even more, now that we have room for you!

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Five More Days

We move out of our home in five days.

At any given second, I can start to cry over it. I can also become elated at finally, FINALLY! not living on top of one another. It's basically a risk talking to me right now.

I can be going along, packing away and then boom! I find this on a shelf and I am a weepy mess.

Brian said to me today do you realize this is our last Saturday night in this house? and then five short seconds later he was all oh, sorry for making you cry. 

It's fine. I will be fine. The  new house part is exciting. Super exciting in fact. It's just the leaving here part that is sad and hard.

The list of things I need to do just seems to keep growing. If there was ever a thing that would be self cleaning, I would think it was the washing machine. It's not, so I added it to my list. My list is still long, but I am certain it will stop growing and start to get smaller soon. Right? Five short days and it will all be over. In the meantime, just be, like, kind of cautious around me. I am sort of a ticking time bomb.