Happy New Year

I'm not so big on 'resolutions', unless the possibilities of the 'resolution' are endless. Like I swear to never have a quit smoking 'resolution', not only because I don't smoke, but also because there are only two outcomes of that - either I quit or I don't. Black or White. And since I like to think of myself as more of an inbetweener, I don't want the answer to either be yes or no, do or don't. I want to know that even if I don't succeed at the proposed 'resolution' I at least found some other benefit from it.
I also don't like telling my version of 'resolutions' because sometimes I just don't want to hear other people tell me that I am not doing right. When it's my idea of a 'resolution', I decide when I am doing it right, not my trying-to-be-helpful and meaning well friends. That doesn't mean I don't want opinions, but sometimes I just want to be the only one that decides when things are done properly. When I was in college, I lived up the hill from campus, so it was pretty far away, but I found out that my friend that lived just down the street from me walked to school every day. I decided to walk with her one day, and realized it was great and I loved it and I decided I would too start walking. I walked every single day for months. One day I slept in and knew I wouldn't make it in time if I walked, so I drove. When I got to class not rosy cheeked or dressed exceptionally warm a classmate asked if I had driven. When I replied yes, he told me I cheated, like I had to walk every day with out fail or else I wouldn't graduate. I was pissed. The worst part was that, just to make a point, I drove every day for the rest of the week after that. Which made me even more pissed. It was a vicious cycle and I decided he was stupid and if I wanted to walk, I should and if I didn't want to or didn't have time, then I didn't have to. End of story. And that wasn't even a 'resolution' that I had made, it was just a decision I made based on the fact that I like the fresh air and I didn't want to pay the one dollar a day for parking. But I knew then that its not always a good idea to mention exactly what you are doing, because sometimes people (meaning to or not) make you feel crappy when you don't do exactly what you had intended to.
With that being said, I have decided I am not going to make any 'resolutions' this year. I am just going to live my life with an intention. To be happy, content, satisfied, loved, aware, awake, oozing all that is good about our life. To do what we want, when we want. To worry less about things that are out of our control. To relish in the days when we are tired and lay around on the couch in our p.j's. The possibilities are endless, therefore as long as I am happy with what I am doing then I am living according to my 'resolution'. Yes I feel the need to put quotations around 'resolution' . In the end, I think if you live everyday with the only intention being to be happy, if at the end of the day you've done that, then you have succeeded. I want to know by how my happy-meter is rating whether I have succeeded or not. I have always tried to live somewhat this way, but in getting older, more things to worry about have come up. And more crappy people have walked through my life. And I have seen sadness and weakness and despair that I didn't use to know was there. It's all part of the process I suppose, so now I need to get to a point where I accept all that life has to offer and STILL live with being happy as my main goal.
My amazing little family has certainly made this goal much easier. I am constantly reminded of the pure joy that comes with having a baby. Toddler. Shes quickly becoming a toddler. She makes me laugh to no end, lots of times when I know I shouldn't. She is such a free spirited little soul who knows what she wants. She finds endless joy in reading the same books over and over, "talking on the phone", taking our hand and leading us to things she wants to show us and singing and dancing. Besides the tiny little beast she can become when either tired or teething, she is just really fun to be around.
Then there is my husband. My rock that shows me how to throw the worry I seem to carry around with me, away. We are so completely different, I use to sometimes be shocked at us even getting along. But we do, we can laugh at each other, or rather with each other, we can fight about whether the magic bullet will actually grind coffee or not, and then enjoy a nice latte together moments later. We work. And that's perfect for me.
Together we all add up to a family with the same idea. Find the happiness and live it. Every. Single. Day.
So here's to 2011.
Happy New Year Family and Friends.