Three

To My Missy,

Three years baby girl, three years.

I have been hyper aware of every moment these last three days.

What I was doing at exactly this moment three years ago.

I have been remembering what I wore and what I ate and the people I talked to and as it got closer to bed time last night, I became even more aware of the minutes. I want to never forget what led up to you entering this world and changing my life. As I put you to bed last night I told you a little story about the night you were born, and you snuggled on my lap and asked to hear it again. When I finished you asked if you could see pictures. So I showed you. It's hard to remember you so small and warm and soft. You are getting so big and becoming less soft and more hard edges and long lines. There is hardly any baby fat left on you. There is hardly any baby left in you at all.

Your personality these days kills me. You are witty and strong willed and when I battle you, I want to scream, but inside I do a victory dance, for a passionate, strong, smart woman is what I hope you grow to be. You are thoughtful and kind and you have a little mama heart already, I think. You listen to everything we say and watch everything we do. When I hear you boss your friends around, I know you get it from me.
Your imagination is growing by the minute and when I see you leading your pretend dog on a walk, I smile. His name is Pal, by the way and this morning, he was sick, so you needed some medicine for him. Rice in an empty pill bottle did the trick and it kept you entertained for, I don't know, like, at least an hour. Maybe more. I love it.
You love being outside and spend most of every day in the back yard. You could dig in the dirt all day. You have been teaching Buddy what to do

     No Budski, dirt is not for eating. NO. NOOO. Mom, Buddy ate dirt. I tried to stop him.

Don't worry, you used to do it too. He'll get over it.
You have become very interested in how everyone fits together. Who my brothers are, who my moms mom is, who grampas mom is, why your cousins parents are dad and I's brothers and sisters. I can almost see your little brain trying to wrap itself around it all. You're figuring it out.
You are inquisitive and full of wonder. You keep telling us that you are learning. Like, if you try to pour yourself some milk and spill it everywhere, you say 'sorry, I'm just learning how to do it'. You're learning to tie shoe laces and learning how to start the truck - in your mind, not in reality.
You love us. You love me and daddy and Jace and you tell all of us, a lot. You play no favorites. No, thats not true, you do all the time, but it's never the same person, today it might be me, tomorrow it will be dad... it's always different. You want to hear I love you all the time, so we tell you too, a lot.

We are so so proud of the little girl you are and are continuing to become. I hope you keep your kind, compassionate heart forever. That you never stop learning and continue to grow forever. One thing I know for sure, is that you will continue to know how loved you are.
We love you baby girl. Happy 3rd Birthday.
xoxo
Love
Mama and Daddy

p.s. yesterday, you were laying on the floor in the kitchen, doing nothing in particular when you tried to reach for something. You couldn't quite reach it. You very casually exclaimed oh for fuck sakes.
Inside, I died laughing.
Outside, I told you that you shouldn't say that. It's not nice and we don't say it in our house (except we totally do. sorry.) . I hope you reserve those words for home and not, say, in school. And if anyone asks, you got it from Daddy. heh.

(see year one
       year two)

Road Trip

Ang and I made a road trip to see Andrea. Kind of like the one we made two years ago.
Only this time we didn't leave at 4:00am. We also couldn't fit in one vehicle. The number of kids between the three of us has doubled since the last trip.



 And we only had to go to Canmore - a mere three hour drive, compared to the 12 hours of going all the way to Fort St. John. We only got to spend the day with them and it just wasn't enough time.





Not enough time to squeeze and snuggle two month old Reese, not enough time to have our kids get to know her kids, not enough time to actually catch up and not enough time to get to see Ryan.





Actually, it wasn't even enough time to remember that I had presents for them, in my suitcase, next to my bathing suit, that never got pulled out. oops!!





 None the less, I always love seeing them.



Andrea, I would drive anywhere to get to see you! But um, could you please just move closer already? That would be suuuper helpful! kthanks!

After Canmore, we headed to my parents for the weekend.
Lots of kids, with family dinners with more people thrown in, strange nap times, lots of driving and no dads - well, some days were smoother than others.
I would love to write all about it and post some pictures, but I am still playing catch up and right now, it's sleep catch up time. Once I have sorted through the million pictures I took, I will post some.

Thanks for the fun road trip Ang. Dibs not me for the mini-van. That means you have to!

In My Thoughts. In My Heart

A terrible tragedy has struck my tiny little home town and I am shaken to my core over it.
For people I don't know and now, never will.
All I keep thinking is She has to go home without her babies and it makes me feel sick. Sick. Burying your kids is unnatural and will never, ever be okay.
The Morrison family was unknown to me, but not to the rest of my family. I am always surprised when I am affected by strangers and never really know how to act on it. This isn't the first time it's happened and yet, I still just don't know what to do. Openly weep? Shed silent tears? Keep it to myself, because seriously, I don't know these people? Or just be honest and accept that other peoples tragedy can hit really freaking close to home and that it is okay to affected by them. And it's okay to be really sad for them.
It could have been any one of us out there. It could have been me and my kids.
The good thing about small towns is they really know how to rally together in the wake of loss and there is small comfort in knowing this family will have love and support and help and many hands to make this load a little lighter. And with any hope (luck?), a little easier.
My heart breaks, again, for another Mama that has to not only bury one of her babies, but two and still try to live for herself and for her other son. The unfairness is gut wrenching.
I hugged my kids extra long tonight.

Summer Heat Suck

It doesn't happen often, but some days, like today, the heat just gets to be too much.
We did what we could, of course, but I would be lying if I said I was the most patient parent today.
We did what stuff we had to do outside before 9:30 this morning.
We ran errands in the air conditioned truck.
We made a make shift water slide and literally sprayed the hose in our faces. It was refreshing, okay?!!



We sat in the shade.
But it still got the best of us.
We spent the afternoon in the air conditioning of the house, in front of the tv (Netflix got some new super awesome movies, so yay!) and I don't even feel a little bit guilty about it.



Both kids were ready for bed at 6:00 but out of fear that tomorrow morning would start even earlier than normal, which is plenty early enough, we kept them up with distraction for 45 minutes (Thanks Mom!).



Im trying to not to let today bum me out. I KNOW I could have done better. I could have used better words and made more attempts at keeping us all busy. I could have been more patient and truth be told, we all could have had naps.
Luckily, my kids are forgiving and I know that tomorrow is a new day.

Sun-Day Fun-Day

A day at the beach...








Little Lincoln, only 3.5 weeks old. So freaking sweet. 
















Umm, they are getting a little close, aren't they? 
 Maizey was backing up saying, Bailey I think we better get farther away, while Bailey was saying, Look how cute they are. Hahaha






Whats in the cup, Jade?!





Such a fun day. Thanks friends!