School started for Maizey.
I can take a deep breath, finally get a good nights sleep and stop drinking so heavily. Just kidding. I slept awesome last night.
She was a champ.
She barely noticed I was leaving. She wandered the classroom looking for something to do. She said hi to her teachers and remembered their names. And when I came to pick her up, she came from the play yard area to wait at the door holding Sephoras hand. It might have been the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.
I made a big deal about it. I see that now. But it felt right at the time. It's just that she's so little and she's only three and we have spent like, almost every single day of her life together and while it's only a few hours, two days a week, it's different than our normal and I never accept change with open arms right away. I felt every day of these last three years bubble to the surface these last two days. She was so nonchalant about the whole thing and I secretly wanted her to cry when I was leaving and say she wasn't staying, but I was proud that she was perfectly confident and happy and well, fine. She, without saying a word, told me to get over it. Truthfully, it's five freaking hours a week. That's it. I did need to get over it. Luckily, my new, fellow preschool mom friend Andrea provided a great distraction. We hiked. Fast and hard and we never stopped talking. It was exactly what I needed. When we got back to the school, it was the fastest two and a half hours ever. I am happy to admit though, she was super excited to see me.
So exciting, right? It's so funny to see him get going... he wobbles a little, it take his whole body to get the motion going, he take a few solid steps before the momentum starts to push him a little too fast and his last steps are short and quick and out of control before he dives to his belly.
The video was taken the first day he took steps, on his own, over and over. He had been taking two or three steps here and there for a few days, a week maybe, prior. We practiced the walking to its death. He was at the end of his rope with us taking things from him and then holding them out for him to come and get. He was tired of us walking away from him. After about the millionth time, he called it quits and wouldn't perform his trick for the rest of the day. He has since got over the hissy fit and now walks when ever he feels like it. He can make it about 10 -15 steps at a time and while he used to love the cheering, he thinks it's old news now and hardly looks at me when I do it.
Today, I packed up clothes that don't fit him anymore and put them in boxes destined for the attic. It was basically his entire wardrobe that had to go. Tomorrow, we start over in new (to us) clothes and make new memories in them.
I have a really hard time packing clothes away. I love the memories that go along with certain outfits and it kills me to think of how big they are getting when they no longer fit into clothes that at one time seemed so huge. The attic is getting fuller and fuller.
We are still so undecided on whether there will ever be another little McGiven baby. Actually. I am still undecided. Brian says we are good the way we are, but that he is open for discussion. I feel like once the decision is made, then I will know what to do with the ever growing pile of boxes up there. I know it's unreasonable to keep every single item of clothing both of them ever owned until they grow up and have their own kids to pass them on to. But still. Maybe the idea that there may never be another little baby wearing tiny little onesies and taking first steps again also kills me.
Add to this the fact that Maizey has her first day of preschool tomorrow and basically I am giant heap of tears and sentiment and nerves.
So Maizeys first day of preschool is tomorrow. Actually, it's not even the first real day, it's an hour long orientation that I will be there for and still. Still I am a wreck over it. I have to confess that I have thought, repeatedly, over the last few weeks of pulling her out this year. I didn't. I am going to miss her. She wavers between being excited and being indifferent. She knows she has teachers. She knows she gets to wear new shoes. She knows that it's going to be fun and that her friend Sephora will be there and that she is going to make more new friends. I just don't know if she really understands that we won't be there with her. She keeps saying that she's going to high school and that Jade is going to be her teacher. Hopefully she won't be too disappointed when Jades not there.
I need the growing up to stop.
These kids are killing me. Making me proud and killing me at the same time.
