Why I Suck At Being A Hipster

Ever since the movie Wedding Crashers came out I have desperately wanted a vintage bike, because seriously, how cute was it when Rachel McAdams and Owen Wilson were riding along side by side, her in a classic skirt, him in khakis and old man sweater.
 I maybe wanted that to be Brian and Me.
Just a little.
I always said I would look at garage sales for one and I talked about it every year when bike season came along and I still didn't have one. Little did I know that a few years later, vintage bikes would be all the rage and I would be left in the dust.
It is so the hipster thing to do, ride a vintage bike.
Saying you wanted to do it before it became popular is also a hipster thing to do. 
And wearing fake, thick rimmed glasses.
Which I have ALWAYS wanted to do.
I did get my vintage bike this year. My Ang happened to have one in the shed at her cabin. It used to belong to her mom when she was a kid and hadn't been ridden in, I don't know, like, 30 years or something. I paid a guy $100 to make it work again and he did, mostly.


 
The problem is, it needs  a whole new rear hub and due to it's age and obscurity, one has not been found (did you like that, hipsters?). I've ridden it a few times, against the bike shop guys advice and almost died the last time.
That is so NOT a hipster thing to do.
Actually the irony of it just might make it hipster after all.
Last week, we got new phones. Normally I am against all purchases of anything technology related because the advances in technology are so fast that no matter what there is always something better-faster-bigger-smarter so I think we just shouldn't try. Brian doesn't agree, and after a lot of convincing I finally gave in when Instagram came out for Androids.
Screw you Apple.
See? Not hipster enough.
But then I went and tried to be all hipster with my fancy Instagram app on my fancy "smart phone".
I sat down with my almond milk-half caff- double steamed- half sweet- triple shot -dirty chai , tapped gently on the fancy little camera icon and eloquently held my brand spanking new phone over top of my mug. I strained my neck up to get a better look at the screen, because these coffee shots, the placement of the cup in the photo is nothing if not theeee most important part. I adjusted accordingly and being careful not to hit the stupidly placed and incredibly sensitive back button, I inexpertly tried to slide my finger across the screen to hit the capture button, as my much-too-fat-for-a-touch-screen fingers moved, my fragile and thin phone in my unsteady, not used to this piece of technology hands slipped and as if in slow motion, totally fell right into my coffee.
I grabbed it quickly and wiping freshly frothed foam on my pants I jumped, laughing, to quickly grab napkins and start wiping. I cleaned it off and blew some foam out of a hole that I don't even know what it does.
And then I called Brian and told him this is why I can't have nice things.
Also, it was totally a regular latte. I am so not hipster enough to drink that shit.
But for the record, I have pictures of my feet circa 2003. So that means I totally did that before it was popular.